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Broken Faces Worn Out Faces

Sometimes we make mistakes, mistakes that are huge. I heard that once, and I see myself in that reality in a way I’ve never known. When we face our immortality, it’s the face of grief. It’s a form of innocence lost that can only be characterized as being indestructible. I can say that I have seen now and understood the balance between darkness and light in a way I’ve never known. I think I’m finally learning that if I truly want to represent to and about the love and light I believe in, I must first conquer my darkness. I know now that doing that may be close to as painful as fracturing your face on a steering wheel, but honestly it’s no worse than facing death without letting go of the weights of sadness.
To believe is to be awakened, it allows one to be inspired for greatness and believe in unity. However it does not a hole fill, it does not a loss regain, and it is not a means to an end. When we remember that, we realize to be awakened is only the very first step in a life-long journey. Whatever wisdom we have been blessed with before these moments, are gifts from the journey we have come from. The comfort in that is quite beautiful. Once we start to become more and more consciously aware of that, thankfulness is abundant. This feeling is fresh, new, exciting, and free. It’s only temporary though if one does not continue to do the work. That is how we slip. That is when we can make mistakes.
Today, I write to you in a moment of grace. I’m learning to accept help, to be aware of my demons because I will meditate their dark arrows into beautiful flowers. I will yoga the balance of light back into my being. Until the last few days, I’ve not ever cried so many streams of silent tears. I’m more a communicative crier. Silent tears fall faster, they fall harder, and for me are a more honest release. I have been on a roller coaster of emotions, and honestly, I’m not even sure how my family has dealt with me. I’m so thankful they love me.
One might say, that some mistakes are the expressions of the hurts and pains we never let go of. A way to make our reality fit the skeletons in our closets we’ve been trying to hide. When we are still not truly free of the chains that bind, how can we be living in love? Are we not still carrying the weights of our unresolved and unforgiving actions? Today, let’s give ourselves permission to forgive. I know that I have people in my life that I do not mean to carry discontent with. I want nothing more than to have a blissful, simple, and loving relationship, but we did not give ourselves that luxury. We fought the Universe, and each other, hard. Now I’m learning to accept, and not regret, the challenges we put upon each other because they are why we are so strong today.
I told myself tonight, “it’s time to forgive.” That doesn’t mean the hurts disappear, or that I will suddenly forget where I come from. It means that I will take where I’ve come from and continue to move forward. It is easier to love with an open heart than a closed one. It’s easier to turn off the self-destruct button with an open mind, as well.
Everyday we make choices. We further ourselves with each choice we make, huge mistake or not. It is up to us to decide whether something pushes us up or down. It is up to us whether or not we are consciously making those choices. It is up to us to decide if we are truly conscious or not. Are we present or are we lost in our mind? Today, I’m open, forgiving, loving, and accepting. What are you? As always please continue on the journey and thanks for listening.

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Synchronicity in Sorrow and Bliss: How Did it Happen?

This time of year always seems to push me to a new level of strength. I say this because every incident is a moment for opportunity or negativity. This year, I allowed the professional to affect my personal well-being. I started carrying things around, creating baggage where there once was none…This goes against what I believe in a way that created a battle for my Conscious. Tonight, I was faced with a moment of realization that allowed me to sacrifice for the service and betterment purely for the ones around me. I was given the opportunity to take the high road and to do my best to maintain my integrity.
Mistakes happen. They just do, and sometimes they need to marinate. In an all too immediate realization, I allowed myself a huge moment of vulnerability, but I felt safe. I thought it would be okay, and we could figure it out. That’s not what happened. I paid my workplace for being there tonight. It was for my own mistake, and like I said, it was a big one. It’s just doing that in the middle of my shift gave me the ability to serve knowing that no matter what it was going to be good. I definitely showed my emotions, and it took me a bit to compose. As always there’s a bit of a back story, but for me those aren’t the moments that count. The moment I realized that I could just work, and it was all sort of surreal, allowed me some kind of enlightenment. It gave me the ability to be as human as utterly possible with each of my interactions. It was a strange form of sorrowful bliss that I’m still in awe of. I’m going to do my best to maintain this perception, and be thankful tonight for the rest. I’m going to be thankful for numerous things, and especially thankful that tomorrow is a new day. We get a chance to start again.
Sometimes what hurts us isn’t material. With no true concept of material gain, our work is just a series of interactions with coinciding actions. The hurt was intense, but it was an emotional hurt. A human hurt from one to another. It was not a hurt over material loss. Realizing that makes me proud. Knowing that my heart was in the moment, and I let that happen. Felt every freaking bit of it, and am sitting here writing this feeling full of love, just wanting to express the power it restored in me. I know now, I can handle this…I spent a few minutes today looking in the mirror saying something like that, but my mind questioned it. The Universe decided that I wasn’t going to question it again today. I can do this. I believe in myself, and in my environment. We are all in this together, and if we can actually keep that in mind each day, we might start to get better. I certainly don’t think we’d be hurt by it. Please, let’s all just be human tonight, tomorrow, and the next day, for as many as we have. Our time, after all, is priceless.
So, each moment truly is a chance to be an opportunity, or a negativity. Sometimes, it’s both. This truly is just a string of moments, felt by our skin, seen by our eyes, and processed through our brain. Life is consciousness, and in my opinion the pursuit of the lightest, freest, happiest one we can find. Smile, be thankful, and remember it is all going to happen either way. Thanks for listening and safe journeys.

Stay warm 🙂

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Good Enough

Deep down inside, for the majority of my life those two words played constantly through my head. Sometimes a statement, sometimes a question, but almost always a feeling of disbelief. I couldn’t see my self in its entirety. Always catching glimpses of all my insecurities and fears. I had a severe case of tunnel vision. There was no question in my mind that life is hard, and people are broken. I didn’t see the color, light, and beauty of the universe around me. I searched for approval from everyone, and as a result made a long chain of mediocre decisions.
I have made it a very personal goal to not live in that place ever again. Apathy almost lead me to a life of feeling constantly incomplete. I’m so thankful for the journey. There are so many little blessings that are all around once we learn to be conscious. I don’t know if it was stress, fatigue, or just getting too comfortable, but I could feel myself slowly finding that place again. Now, I have two options, to fear or embrace. Thankfully, the Universe granted me a breaking point. A place where I finally could let it all go, and I did. I broke down, and was almost immediately lifted back up. I saw that it’s okay to just feel it, figure it out, and move on. I have goals, dreams, and now steps to begin taking to embrace them.
When we are conscious of the mind we can actually observe what’s going on. This is the key to serenity, peace, and joy in each moment of now. We are all better than good enough. We are all miraculous beings. There is beauty in everything. How could it not be in us too? Each day is a chance to be conscious of that and to live in that perspective, to believe in our power, and learn what makes us happy. Today, I feel as though I’ve woken up. Thank you, thank you, and thank you to the Universe and to you too, as always, for listening. Safe journeys.

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Just.

Sometimes, what feels like a jumble of random thoughts, will suddenly become one fluid idea. I was sitting here looking through social media, thinking about life, and suddenly the word just popped into my head. Now, I find myself affirming that we are not “just” anything. Often times we put the word just in front of what we’d like to hide behind.
Things like, “Oh, I can’t do that I’m just too…” in moments like that, I find it’s identifying with something we created. We could never be just this or just that because we are literally made up of everything. It’s strange the way the simplest word can justify all the complexities and fears of the human psyche. Especially when one actually considers the meaning of the word just, guided by truth, reason, justice, and fairness. In searching for this, however, I was struck by the fact that there are THIRTEEN definitions to this word. In the end it means, almost anything one could think of. It is righteous, narrow, exact, and only. If one word can be so many things…to think of all we can be, is only infinite.
We are not just anything. Just isn’t even just anything. Today, I hope we can all find a little more consciousness. After all, today is the eve of a very apparent evolution. May we all find clarity and hope for a brighter tomorrow. As always, thanks for listening and safe journeys.

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The Universe

We are the universe. We can close our eyes breathe and see the connectedness of it all. If we truly live in each moment minutes of silence with the self can feel like kind, peaceful eternities and interaction can feel like a fun interruption from the blissful stream of consciousness that is being. Life is amazing, life is everywhere, life is all we really have at the end of the day. Life and death are the only two things we truly know, and aside from that we can only experience and perceive. This is a journey that is so unique to each one of us. Remember, each of us is one in four hundred trillion.
Right now, right in this moment I feel completely blissful, alive, and aware. I hope you are too. Thanks for listening and safe journeys.

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The Fruits of Our Labor

Rain. Yesterday, my town had a huge fireworks show set to rock music. It is a tradition that goes back, for how long I am unsure. Nothing has ever stopped it, and people wondered this year, for the first time ever, if the threat of torrential downpour would. The radio station promised its show, no matter the weather.
Two friends and I headed down with no real plan, but to experience the intensity that is people coming together, flooding the streets, and just doing. I was of course, stoked. Albeit slightly nervous, as currently I am without windshield wipers. However we let life go where it will and we went along with it. The rain hit and people were everywhere. It was pouring and everyone was running for cover. I’m sure many people left, but I was overjoyed at how many people stayed. That tradition, that sureness, it kept a community together. It sent people out strolling in the rain. Running, jumping, and of course ducked and covered in tiny dry spots outside. The rain created a sense of freedom from the constraints of normal society and created that lighthearted feeling we got as kids on rainy days at school.
We got to watch the fireworks going off drenched, laughing, yelling, and carefree. I finally knew what it meant to feel infinite.
To me, that is grace. The beauty in those moments. The new friends, the freedom to just completely let go and be. Bliss is all around. Faith is unceasing. We are all here to experience these moments, to evolve and grow. It’s a magical gift that has little to do with money or other luxuries, but everything to do with our perception. Today and everyday I thank you for listening, and safe journeys.