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The Melting Pot

As flesh melts to flesh, skin on skin…
I lose track of where you end, and I
begin.
I lose track of pretty or ugly…fat or thin.
I lose myself to you, over and over again.
As your lips trace my hips, and your kiss dips, my hand grips the sheets around me, tearing them to strips…
Because God it feels so good right here, right now, with you beside me, inside me, over and under me.
I can feel the beat of our racing hearts thundering…
As the lightning crashes down around us, electricity in the air,
My hands searching mercilessly through your tangled hair
As I start to lose control, as I teeter on the edge of the ledge away from the dredge of the confines of my mind
The ones I have always hid behind…
Building a wall, unable to fall,
Into the deepest pool of all,
Where the Goddess inside bathes and lives….
Within the water of life that gives and gives
The water that quenches the fire of man’s desire, that can crush or inspire, the heart of humanity
Those moments of losing control and finding our sanity.

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Mama? Dada?

Parents. What a tricky subject. I’m sure that you all love your mother and father, unquestionably. They are the source of your creation. Had they not existed EXACTLY as the people they are…you wouldn’t be you. I’m sure most of us can’t imagine not having our mom. I am also sure far too many of us know exactly the longing that may also have been from either parent missing. Some who are lucky enough, rebuild relationships, learn to love each other as people and not just identities, and others, well, at least they don’t hate each other.

It’s such a tricky territory because no matter how far down on the totem pole one may be, they are still destined to be grateful for one thing, always. Life. What a way to get a person to spend a lifetime feeling guilty. Why am I not enough? Who should I be instead? Is it because I’m not pretty/thin/athletic/whatever enough? Is it because I’m not the norm? These and countless other ponderings come from children without the support of both creators. The funny thing is…they only created you within the womb. They didn’t sing you to sleep. They didn’t take you trick-or-treating. They didn’t know about your first crush, first heartbreak, first trauma, and the millions of things that a person goes through to become who they are today.

Now, to get over that guilt of “not being good enough” for a parent to know you, we have to realize just how good we are. We have brains in our head, shoes on our feet, and some of us even have Dr. Seuss tattoos. We are the people who go through life trying to help others out of pain because we know it all too well. We are the ones who care, sometimes too much because we have so much more love to give and receive after fighting the darkness for so long. We accept the light inside us, and we take our life, not back, but probably into our own hands for the very first time. The funny thing is, most likely, that’s when the true opposition will come. It is funny how letting go of childhood, didn’t allow one to just let go of NOW. To say that actions that are currently affecting each moment of my day on a subconscious level because they are preventing me from living now, should be let go of, is quite incredulous if you ask me. I can accept “mistakes” of the past because as you have all heard me say here, “Sometimes we make mistakes. Mistakes that are huge.”

It would stand to reason that we all love our children, if we have them. We love them first. We love them with our whole heart, and we didn’t ask them to come to us in their first hours of life and tell us, and then hold them responsible for letting us into their lives….That is our role. We watch out for them, cry for them, laugh with them, run with them, feed them, change them, cuddle them, and teach them. Who we are with and around them….teaches them from the moment they are conscious, how to be. If we are completely lacking from that, and some people have been absent even in temporary turmoil, children will find another way. They are adaptable little creatures.

We all find another way. We don’t pound on the walls. Unless, we do, and when that doesn’t work, we stop. It is beyond inconceivable to me that someone who shows such careless disregard for one’s humanity would ever claim to have any knowledge of it. That’s the thing though, in thinking they shouldn’t claim their “knowledge,” we have come to expect an outcome. We have attached ourselves to a specific detail we believe to be universally true, but it’s not. Perception is reality, and in accepting that our perception of our life is not someone else’s, we can let go.
We know our battle wounds, scars, and triumphs. We know our glories, loves, passions, and abilities. We know our strength.

There is so much beauty in life, how can one be less than grateful? We can feel still, the hurt, pain, and maybe even, anger, but to remain thankful, that’s the art of it all. Go paint your picture. It is all up to you. Build relationships, let go of that which does not serve you, and love love love! Thank you.

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Broken Faces Worn Out Faces

Sometimes we make mistakes, mistakes that are huge. I heard that once, and I see myself in that reality in a way I’ve never known. When we face our immortality, it’s the face of grief. It’s a form of innocence lost that can only be characterized as being indestructible. I can say that I have seen now and understood the balance between darkness and light in a way I’ve never known. I think I’m finally learning that if I truly want to represent to and about the love and light I believe in, I must first conquer my darkness. I know now that doing that may be close to as painful as fracturing your face on a steering wheel, but honestly it’s no worse than facing death without letting go of the weights of sadness.
To believe is to be awakened, it allows one to be inspired for greatness and believe in unity. However it does not a hole fill, it does not a loss regain, and it is not a means to an end. When we remember that, we realize to be awakened is only the very first step in a life-long journey. Whatever wisdom we have been blessed with before these moments, are gifts from the journey we have come from. The comfort in that is quite beautiful. Once we start to become more and more consciously aware of that, thankfulness is abundant. This feeling is fresh, new, exciting, and free. It’s only temporary though if one does not continue to do the work. That is how we slip. That is when we can make mistakes.
Today, I write to you in a moment of grace. I’m learning to accept help, to be aware of my demons because I will meditate their dark arrows into beautiful flowers. I will yoga the balance of light back into my being. Until the last few days, I’ve not ever cried so many streams of silent tears. I’m more a communicative crier. Silent tears fall faster, they fall harder, and for me are a more honest release. I have been on a roller coaster of emotions, and honestly, I’m not even sure how my family has dealt with me. I’m so thankful they love me.
One might say, that some mistakes are the expressions of the hurts and pains we never let go of. A way to make our reality fit the skeletons in our closets we’ve been trying to hide. When we are still not truly free of the chains that bind, how can we be living in love? Are we not still carrying the weights of our unresolved and unforgiving actions? Today, let’s give ourselves permission to forgive. I know that I have people in my life that I do not mean to carry discontent with. I want nothing more than to have a blissful, simple, and loving relationship, but we did not give ourselves that luxury. We fought the Universe, and each other, hard. Now I’m learning to accept, and not regret, the challenges we put upon each other because they are why we are so strong today.
I told myself tonight, “it’s time to forgive.” That doesn’t mean the hurts disappear, or that I will suddenly forget where I come from. It means that I will take where I’ve come from and continue to move forward. It is easier to love with an open heart than a closed one. It’s easier to turn off the self-destruct button with an open mind, as well.
Everyday we make choices. We further ourselves with each choice we make, huge mistake or not. It is up to us to decide whether something pushes us up or down. It is up to us whether or not we are consciously making those choices. It is up to us to decide if we are truly conscious or not. Are we present or are we lost in our mind? Today, I’m open, forgiving, loving, and accepting. What are you? As always please continue on the journey and thanks for listening.

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Enlightenment is a Verb

All we do, even in not acting, is action. We are a chain of DNA and choices. It is interesting that as we find out more about the existence around us, we find more of ourselves in everything. When I was in school, I didn’t appreciate science. It didn’t make sense to me and felt like the useless memorization of stuff I couldn’t see. As I get older, I find myself realizing that it can be seen in different scales throughout our reality. Finding that perception has allowed for me to see the power we all hold in our mind, body, soul, and the connection between it all.
Today, I watched Stephen Hawking’s “The Story of Everything,” and found myself immersed in the miracle, the impermanence, the sheer magnitude of what goes on outside the self. Knowing that impermanence, we can choose to accept and move onward, conscious of our evolution, or we can continue to find comfort in the known and plateau with in ourselves, and as a species.
Intelligence is both a comfort and a danger to us. We are capable of completely annihilating ourselves in the blink of an eye. Technology has allowed us many life-altering breakthroughs, and connecting that to the spiritual aspect of our existence can only serve to create a new age of awareness.
Once we truly accept the rarity of life, and understand just how fleeting it is, we take advantage of every opportunity. Why waste something so priceless? Every day, hour, second, and moment is something to be present for. Each is very much a gift, and I do my best to be thankful for all of it. Gratitude is an attitude that prevents platitudes. As always, thanks for listening and safe journeys.

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Don’t Fear Change. Change Fear.

As humans, there are many of us out there who love the simple comforts of life, routine, and consistency. We know what to expect and when, for the most part. How could one not find a bit of comfort and solace within the regularity of things? It is when we begin to seek the regularity that we are no longer accepting, but searching, for the things we already know. This can become problematic when one thinks of change. If we search for sameness, what happens when we are approached by difference? Do we bow our head to look down at the life we know or do we look up and ponder the mysterious beauty that lies above? It’s the fear of looking up that can keep us from seeing the stars, from seeing that we are all the stars.
Fearing change is considered fairly normal in today’s society, being a stargazer is considered risky. We often hear friends and strangers alike refer to themselves as, “creatures of habit,” giving just cause to fearing change. I’m sure we can all think of a time when someone offered us an awesome opportunity, no matter how big or small, that we were afraid of. Now we can begin to see that the fear can hold us back. It can put a delay on, or even halt, the evolution of our lives. Remember, we are the creators after all. I know fear can be immobilizing, that it can stop us from breathing, but we can’t let it stop us from being.
We all know about fight or flight mode, the fear response. In those times of crisis, we don’t think. We act and react to the present moments around us. Fear no longer impedes our natural response to the world around us. In those rare moments, we are fully being. Facing our fears is going to be scary, obviously. It’s not impossible though. I have grown up completely terrified of heights…I don’t enjoy the sensation of my feet not being on the ground. As I get older, I realize how much opportunity that could pull out of my life. I know I must conquer it, but that doesn’t mean I’m jumping out of a plane tomorrow. Being conscious of the fear, accepting it is there, and fighting to let go is the key to changing a fear cycle.
We are adaptable creatures. We can learn to stop being afraid. Each time we learn something new, take a chance, and move forward, we are changed. We don’t fear all change. Each day is a chance to live blissfully, fearlessly, and thankfully. We can change our fears. That’s one more gift of consciousness. So please, don’t fear change, change fear. As always, thanks for listening and safe journeys.

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Approval Meets Thankful

If Approval and Thankful were two people, they would be very different wouldn’t you think? Approval dancing on top of the bar yelling, “Woo!” pausing only long enough to do body shots off her friends Desperate and Lonely. They all have a lot in common. However, where is Thankful in all this? Probably dancing right next to them. Alive and filled up they are all just seeing through different perceptions.
The mindset with which we approach anything will color our self in the experience. Approval, Desperate, Lonely, and Thankful all dance, but who was dancing for themselves versus everyone else? To live in a place of thankfulness to be alive in each moment. That doesn’t mean mistakes won’t be made or times of sadness had. It simply means we will be thankful for all of it.
Seeking approval seems like a worthwhile cause. We want others to know the potential and awesomeness we possess. We are happy when it is recognized and in craving that happiness we may find ourselves in a vicious cycle to continue to find that approval. This is the unconscious motive that I once, and still sometimes, let direct my self, or lack thereof.
When we recognize the difference between the happiness we receive from others and the happiness we create in ourselves, I believe we are instantly more thankful. A life of gratitude is within all of us. I know today we will be thankful and remember the importance of family. Hopefully, we can be thankful for the act of being itself. Tomorrow, let’s be thankful too, and in every moment after that if we dare. As always, thanks for listening, and safe journeys.

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Connected…

Connected, ebb and flow, yin and yang. They are the natural occurrences of life. Flowing through each and every part of it, thus creating a sense of balance. This creates the highs and lows, the drags and pulls of time, and the self we create. In this realization, we can hopefully find a bit of peace, internal joy, and contentment.
When things go wrong, when we make mistakes that’s when we are connected to that rush of worry our unconscious mind begins reeling, and suddenly we feel lost. It’s the breath in that very moment that can change it all. Remembering that space, that breath in between, can help us find our balance. Take that moment absorb, freak out a little, and then breathe, and move on. Keep doing the best one can do.
We are all capable of composure, clarity, and peace of mind. It occurs directly inside of us. We truly are the architects of our landscape. We are a part of and connected to it all, how could we have an impact on the Universe we exist in? We are a universe ourselves.
This sense of connection helps create compassion, love, and genuine empathy for the beings around us. We are all on different journeys to the same place. Doing the best we can. Today, I hope we can be thankful for every thing, being, and thought around us. As always, thanks for listening and safe journeys.